Had a meeting again today.
The past week I was asked to accompany a friend of the heart organisation to an event, to man the information stand.
I agreed. I like to do it, especially with someone nice present.
The subject of the event was not a very well known one: inherited hypercholesterolemia. We're there for the relationship between the disease and heartproblems.
So time to have some thorough reading and good preparation. I like the know what I'm talking about.
During the meeting I asked the people who have the leaflets in storage if they can provide them.
'Order them yourself'.
Oh???
'And in case I would get them in time...how would I get the stuff there? I have to go by bus.
This resulted in a huge discussion. The depotholder refusing to provide stuff, just because he didn't feel like doing it.
I felt lured into activities I didn't want.
The intention was to accompany someone, not to organise it. And I've never organised it, so... Better first walk through the process with someone so I know what to do. That's quite reasonable, as the organisation is very strict in how they want matters to be done, and I tend to improvise and do things my way. (So in a way I have to protect myself against myself.)
It took quite some time, with my thoughts lingering on other issues while they kept on 'talking', and then the chairman stepped in and said he would bring the leaflets to the hospital. If only he knew where to bring it.
Well, as I knew nothing, I couldn't tell him.
A few months earlier I would have told them I would solve it, and would have gone through a lot of stress to get things arranged.
It also looked like I was there alone... none of the others had time. Until one of the other women stepped in. She has to drive an hour to get there.... She's a nice person, so we'll have a good time.
I left the subject with 'I'll mail around'.
Turned out the event was organised by a professional organisation.
I mailed them and was told the leaflets were already there. Was also given the name of a nurse that is our liaison.
Makes me wonder if I had learned to stick to my limits, was stubborn, or had some strange feeling of knowing things would work out without my effort?
All in all I can give plenty of attention to reading about the subject of the event.
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So our car broke down during the cold weather of last week and my second son was planning to come this afternoon to see what was the matter. It's not freezing anymore, so something that was frozen would be defrosted.
I didn't dare to do some work for the phone service as he might walk in with a lot of noise.
And later in the afternoon I started to get ready for the meeting. I kind of forgot that the bus takes such a lot of time. So I had to hurry to be in time at the busstop.
I arrived in time at the hospital, could walk through straightaway, and was told by the secretary to find a bread I like. (No rucola).
It was nice to see the others again, and ity was good the other woman was not present. It created a far more relaxed atmosphere.
He came in rather early, took a chair outside the circle and that surprised me.
When he arrived he shook hands with every person. His boss shook his hand and called him by his first name. When he arrved at me he was surprised. With a bright smile I shook his hand and sad 'hi ...mentoning his frst name, we know each other.'
He finished his studies two years ago. He looks a lot older, so I guess he had a different job before this.
He didn't work with patients, but was advisor of the board. When I worked there at the hospital that was the job for those who could learn well, but didn't have the human skills to deal with patients. So I think he needs to make 'patient hours' and that's why he works at the other hospital.
I might be wrong...
He started with a photo of a tropical island, telling that in the past he had to use a travelshop, but nevertheless he went there often. But now he can book online. To show that the world has become more digital. I started grinning, as one could say he compared himself with the world. LOL!
He's working on a project to digitalise patient care.... When I told him that I missed a good psychosocial care plan, he didn't understand that that is more than psychological care.
That gave me the feeling: get me on the development team, because you don't know one bloody thing about emotion.
I asked him why they want to go digital to a high level. when they can't deal with simple emails to the cardiologist. He didn't like the question. "You can't just plunge patients into an all digital care-world when you can't fit a low level of digital patient care into the present world.'
I had the expected sharp moments and they were good. He was not able to deal with them, but his boss picked it up.
He was speaking about patients dealing with changes in medication themselves. I said that I thought he was creating a world which can't exist when cardiologists tell patients they're not able to give them the knowledge they want in 10 minutes.
And there were some more moments like that.
It was not only paytime, but I mainly was criticizing a researchplan the way I would have done with my own students. It has been my job for 5 years.
I wonder about the psychological consequences of what they want. Waking up and your phone asks you if you have breathing difficulties..... Would maker me feel more ill than I am... He said it would take just a few seconds to answer, but he doesn't have any understanding I don't want that in the morning, because I would feel the patient and forget to be grateful I'm still alive.
In the meantime I've got an invitaton of the patient care coordinator of my hospital to talk about this last consult. Used it as an example why there is more to patient care than just having a consultation. The hospital wants to change communication into more patient driven care. So the patient tells what he or she needs and the doctor replies. But the doctor needs to be able to deal with this.
Went home in the car of a very nice colleague. Took 15 minutes instead of the 1,5 hour with the bus.
So all in all a worthwhile day.
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Considering that I don't feel well, need to get rid of the high blood pressure (Yes, the systolic pressure is very high), and I have to do a lot of other things that take a lot of time, I decided to call in ill for the meeting of tomorrow evening.
Then I saw the agenda... stating that my new cardologist is guestspeaker on new ways of consultations with heart failure patients.
Not nice, but had a good laugh.
He'll get some very interesting questions...
Made an appointment with one of our local political leaders for thursday.
Her invited me after a through comment on one of his online fb-posts.
On friday the nephrologist is planned.
We had a nice weekend, as the other part of the twin came and stayed here until this evening.
Her leg is finally healing with the help of the fysiotherapist.
It was very relaxed.
But the blood pressure stayed far too high and I got swollen feet and legs. Not good....
Counting down to friday...
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Happy Valentine's Day!!
Started the day with another gold for speed skating. Brilliant!
Then hurried to two meetings, one of them as postponed because the first took far too much time.
The meeting was fun. We really enjoyed it.
The group attending is usually very large, and between them are some 'characters' and ego's that claim a lot of attention and spread a feel that is not always positive.
One of them tends to disagree with me before I've even said a word. It's very disturbing to hear after each sentence: 'No, no, it's my opinion that....', like I'm hired to speak her words and I'm not doing the job well.
So I had a sense of freedom, and watching the others they had it too. We had good laughs, could speak our minds, and had a nice brainstorm that lead to a meeting that will be dedicated to all of that.
It made me feel more positive about the volunteer work.
Nevertheless I asked for someone to take over the information sessions in the hospital for a while. I was surprised that the other speaker (we alternate) asked me not to stay away forever. Didn't expect that.
I'm over my ears in writing. More pages need to be filled and HQ has asked me to write a piece for the national magazine. Great, but the telephone service needs a lot of attention too. Which means each call lasts about 20 to 30 minutes.
I'd rather have face to face contact and today I was told that when it wouldn't costs a penny a could do that too. Sounds great, but I want my travel costs back, and it also means the hospital should give me a room to talk with patients. The way the hospital is functioning now I don't think there are rooms available.
one wing is completely demolished and is ready for rebuilding. So whole departments are moved around.
Had some fun with the dog of a colleague. It's a service dog,but when her jacket is off, she's allowed to play. A few years ago I would have been afraid, but now not anymore and it's great to have some fun with such a huge dog.
This added to my blood pressure going down.... so somewhere between the end of the meeting and the end of shopping I lost one of my most loved ring.
My fingers are much thinner suddenly.... so it just slipped of my finger.
I feel sad about it.
I've always brought back things I've found, so maybe...maybe....
Went back to the conference room: nothing, toilet... nothing. Street...noop.
Mailed the shops and posted it on the council site.
Strange the ring got lost on Valentine's Day.... No, it's not a wedding ring.
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Had to start working again.
It's all for the good of others, volunteer work.
Sometimes it puts people together on jobs they shouldn't be.
We have one person working on the magazine who craves for the honor, to see his name, and boast it's his paper, while others do all the work, and I am one of them.
We, two people, work our butts off, and the guy doesn't do anything but trying to force us into bad written texts that are of no use.
Last edition none of his stuff was published, simply it didn't fit in the special subject, and he was so mad that he wrote a horrible email that set me off to write a mail too, stating I didn't want to work with such a person in this way.
Before I walked away during an editorial board session after I guided the paper through a time of bad weather as the head editor and was confronted with bullying by the person I steppe in for.
Just closed my notes, took my stuff and walked off after a very nice speech, stating I would never ever deal with bullying, not of me, not of others.
And with this guy I had the same.
When I work my butt off, don't tell me afterwards you don't agree with the subject when you had all the time and opportunity to state your case. And certainly don't use words that make me into a person I am not.
Today we had a meeting to solve the issue, as the show must go on.
All I could do was settle for explaining our work, who makes the decisions and why I cancelled one of his stolen texts.
And this in the presence of the regional chairman. I'd asked him to be present.
Well, I don't think much is changed, but I can't leave my other colleague alone. During the meeting she nearly bit his head off, but I understand, she works longer with him than I do.
Well, we'll see.
When I came home a letter was waiting. Ordering to cut the large tree in the garden. (Otherwise they'll throw us out).
We have three trees.
Two can be cut by the boys, no problem.
The other needs a professional attack, costing at least 800 euro, maybe even a 1000.
It's like I expected this to come.
We lived the past year as poor people, eating rather minimal. Not buying anything luxurious.
My daughter often eats at the job, so she doesn't lack anything. In that case I skip dinner.
I know it's not wise, but there is none who cares.
Tomorrow I'll have to see if I have enough money to get that tree down.
So there goes what I've saved to give my children so they can have a proper holiday.
It's just before my birthday. I wanted to go away for the day, give myself a day off from all the stress here. Can't anymore.
It feels like bit by bit all what made this house my home is taken.
The old willow tree, gone.
The nice neighbours, on both sides gone,
Privacy, gone.
I feel lonely here, not at ease anymore.
I miss the link with nature.
It's never silent anymore. When it's a nice day airplaines practie in the sky, when it' a summer day people yell in the gardens and don't care how others feel.
I want to leave here.
So I tried to save some money to do so.
And I can put it in felling a tree.
And be poor again.
It's like I deserve no normal live....
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Had to be in the hospital early to teach medical students.
It was a very nice group, all young women.
Like the groups before they had many questions and they went below the surface very fast.
When they are as content as I was I'm very happy.
After that I went home fast, so I could dress for the funeral.
When we entered the building one of the dancers embraced me like he was my best friend. I was very surprised. He didn't even know my name.
Then we sat down. As we were among the first, we saw all others arrive.
Friends, family, old colleagues.
One of my daughters was asked to read her own text during the service and she's well known among all these people, so there were lot of hugs and talks. Their former teacher was there, which left me with a strange feeling. She was so small, and not happy at all as she's at home with a husband who is deteriorating from dementia.
Do I look the same?
When they opened the large doors we had a last look at our dear friend/sister/ballet-mom.
She looked very nice, with pearly beads in her hair, and her ballet shoes. But her spirit was gone.
It touched us very deep. I've never seen the absence of life so sharp, not even in my own dad or children.
The service was a celebration of her life and a goodbye forever.
As this was the third funeral there in a short time I felt kind of bothered by the same ways of dealing with this all. 'She loved candles'. Well, then put more candles there than those standard three. Have everyone bring a candle, burn it, and take it home after the service.
After the service we had coffee and cake.
My daughter got lots of compliments as she did it very well. People were surprised she spoke in english, but she wrote the text in english and we wanted something which grandmother who comes from New York, could understand. And she did, not only did I see her give full attention, she also thanked afterwards.
As there was no other funeral due, we could sit there, talk with people, and share our memories. t was nice we had time enough to talk with the family. I've the children seen grow up, and when we left one of the boys looked t me like he said: 'hug me'. So I went to him and he hugged me and I hope he found something of the warmth I tried to give to him.
With the promise we'll visit soon, we left.
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My favorite job is to teach medical students.
Used to do it in the past as part of the staff, and now I do it as volunteer. (With the hope of getting a paying job.)
This morning was special as the accompanying cardiologist was the one who will be my cardiologist after switching hospitals. I still doubt it a little bit, because I's rather want him to be a member of my friend's list.
He caught me kind of off guard when he asked me how I was and stood there waiting for an answer. I wanted to be honest and tell him I'm not feeling OK and I started messing with my medication, but it was neither the place nor the time to discuss matters so I said 'good'. He studied my face and I made a joke.
Oh boy, someone really interested in how I was doing!
The students were great!! Had good questions, humor and were able to ask questions beside those they'd prepared.
They decided to stretch the lesson a bit longer.
A colleague came at the glass door, gesturing time was up, but we all had a laugh and we went on.
On my way back one of the students walked with me, and I felt so at home I could have stayed all day.
But my son was already waiting in the car. We went to a second hand shop where he found two great items he needed, and I found two lovely mugs, one for my daughter and one for me. Also found the small basket which was the reason to visit the shop. I have a huge hook near the front door and had a small basket there for years, all birds knew. It was completely worn out. So now I have one again.
I also found a wonderful scarf, I'm going to wear tomorrow and two other funny items. All together for jut a few euros.
The rest of the day I was far too tired to do anything, which was not good, as tomorrow the room needs to be at least a bit tidy.
But cleared part of the attic, as space is needed for the heating repair man tomorrow.
And cleaned half the fridge.
After dinner alone I suddenly fell asleep.
Wish I would have my energy back!!
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First meeting of the year, so lots of best wishes so it feels like this year can't go wrong.
But some people were not present due to serious family circumstances.
Also some new volunteers decided not to continue. Which evoked a discussion about the way the organisation deals with new volunteers. I was glad to be able to have my say in the discussion so it wasn't necessary to bring it up myself.
A nice presence was the support dog of one of the members. When she doesn't have to work she loves to sit at my feet, like the dog I loved so much: Boris. A long haired huge dog of friends. He used to sit on my feet.
The meeting didn't last long, so I had a good talk with my friend of the magazine.
She used to live in the neighbourhood where my gram lived, and I remember seeing her going for groceries when I played with my nephew, the son of the baker.
Now she is a dear friend, and we both share the same way of humor, and share interests. She told about her support dog being almost hit by fireworks at the change of years.
I told her about my second son, being hit by fireworks when he was on his scooter, and after that he was harassed by about 20 youngsters. One of the boys threatened to knife him down.
My son called the police, the boy was pulled out of school and arrested and he will be brought to court.
We both walked to the shops, where our ways parted.
At home I had a lot to do, but was very tired.
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What a way of starting the week!
First I had to give a speech in front of a large audience room, with about 50 to 60 people.
It's a part of the first session of 2 information days for people who have had heartsurgery and/or a heart attack.
They get a lot of information in a few hours from the cardio-nurse, the cardiologist, me and the hospital-psychologist.
Now the nurse knows me a bit, she trusts me more. But she still impresses me as looking down on the activities of our heart-organisation. During the next months the presentations will not only be directed at the patients, at the same time I will inform her of the importance of our organisation when people have left the hospital and are at home.
We all work for the well being of the patients, whether we're paid or not.
At the end of the session there are always some private talks and I enjoy them very much. It's so special that people trust you with their deep inner feelings without any hesitation.
After this I had half an hour to prepare for the next meeting.
It was a meeting between the patient representation board of the hospital and patient organisations, at a location I didn't know.
I tried to find the personnel exit, because it would lead me to the back of the building where we would have our meeting.
When I finally found it I couldn't open the doors, because I had no ID card of the hospital, so no chip to open it. Had to walk all the way back, and had to trust my instincts to find the way.
I enjoyed the wind, as it blew away the high temperatures. So I didn't arrive all sweaty.
Found the building without problems, like I'd been walking there ever so often.
In the hall I was welcomed by two people who were very kind and easy going.
Turned out that there were 4 people from the patient representation board, one person who gave us information about quality and safety monitoring, and.....me. None of the other patient organisations had turned up.
It made the meeting even more interesting, because there was no struggle to find the level of communication. I've worked in a hospital in the past, so I already knew lots of abbreviations.
I've witnessed in the past the first steps of computer registration of goods in a hospital. Now I saw plans for a new system, new wires and rewiring, and education of all layers of staff.
It was also a good opportunity to talk with all members of the board, exchange opinions and of course ask one of the crucial questions to keep them on their toes: the morbidity and mortality of waiting lists for cardiology. The chairman recognized the question.
I asked the same one 4 years ago and they had no numbers at the time.
Now I expect numbers.
I also asked them to check the accuracy of the published waiting times.
I don't think I would have asked this with the other organisations present.
Besides that I had the opportunity to talk about some other subjects.
When I left I had a good feeling about the meeting. I expect some good cooperation.
I was very tired when I arrived at home, but did some gardening for 15 minutes or so together with one of my daughters. Just to have some fresh air before dinner.
Next wednesday another meeting and then a bit of rest before working on the magazine.
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