14. Learn the Tango.

5/31/2017 Syl 0 Comments

I've done a bit of ballroom dancing in the past.
Not much, the lessons were not very interesting and I'd rather spent my time in ballet-lessons.
We, ballet dancers, were supposed to dance everything that needed to be danced and I have to say that our ability to copy bodily movements came in handy.

Posture, attitude,, rhythm, no problem. And with  good leader not much could go wrong.
So I danced with my dad and adopted English uncles in the club in Birmingham as a young girl, danced in Germany, Austria and Italy during the holiday and got quite some compliments, and even danced with a winner of ballroom dancing contests, swirling over the floor among the best of the best.

But it didn't really matter. I wanted to dance the Tango.
I did, and I wanted to dance it well.

So I hope to be able to get a few very good lessons, or meet a man who can dance the tango and teach me.
I don't have the money to pay for lessons, but I'm a good ballroom dancing coach, so I can work with the dancers to bring their dancing to near perfection.



To do list

5/31/2017 Syl 0 Comments

So here is the to do list.

These are only things that need to be done with the help of someone else or by someone else.
All those small things that need to be done are not listed.

When something is done I'll move it to the done-list, which will grow (I hope) under the to do list.

  1. - paint two walls in the living room
  2. - cut some medium trees in the garden
  3. - hang some photo's on the wall
  4. - do the tiles in the bathroom
  5. - paint the door in the living room
  6. - new lock on the back door.
  7. - put sand under the tiles in front of the back door (and fetch the sand first)
  8. - new kitchen drawer
  9. - Redo T's room (I've started)
  10. - New fixing system in shower
  11. - paint the kitchen
  12. - hide the bins in the garden
  13. - cut the large trees in the garden (needs a specialized firm)

  1. - get the car fixed (2 back tires) and cleaned inside and out. 
  2. - New tap in the kitchen (100 euro was 90)

  • -


    Me and lists

    5/30/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Even though I'm writing about my bucketlist, I hate lists.
    I've never worked with fixed plans. With 6 children so many unexpected things happen, that one needs to be flexible.

    I managed rather well when the kids were little, but it brought the girls that came to my assistance after giving birth to the twins in the stress. They wanted a cleaningplan for the house.
    I didn't have one. Oh dear!
    My explanation: when cleaning the kitchenfloor is on the list on mondays, you're walking though the dirt all week. When a child undresses in the bathroom and creates a floor full of sand it needs cleaning immediately, even if it's done an hour ago. You can't wait until next time.

    And as I had no help, other than during the first time after giving birth to a new child, it was me who needed to do everything.

    The house was clean, a bit cluttered, but clean, and things went well.

    Now the kids are grown up and promise all sorts of things, things go wrong.

    I'm uncluttering the house. I've got the time now, and it isn't boring, because I had no time for 30 years. (Consequence of 4 kids with special needs).
    It's fun to see old photo's, find those child's letters with spelling mistakes, dripping with love for mom, the macaroni chains given with a big smile at other's day, and all those odd things one puts away in a corner.
    But I feel kind of imprisoned in my own home, not at ease anymore, and even though I want to move, I want things done.

    So I've decided to make a to do list here at the site. So the kids can find it and maybe that works better than mailing them.

    I've decided to take matters in my own hands when nothing happens, and they know that. Makes them even more inattentive. (Said that nice, didn't I?)

    Take for instance the bathroom. One of the problems in the houses here is that the tiles come off.
    I can glue them to the wall, but I can't make a nice white line in between them with that special mortar, or how it's called. I tried, and created a messy wall.
    Finally one of my sons came and did it. Oh no, he did half of the wall!! Half of the main wall, so in fact he did 1/3.
    The rest needs to be done....

    So you'll get the idea.
    What lacks is a man around the house. Or a woman who takes the man's job as her own tasks too.

    So don't be surprised that I won't blog for a while, when I try to rebuild a wall I demolished when trying to drill a small hole for a plug to hang a photo. OK, the walls are bad here, but still...



    Top temps

    5/30/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    It's like the past years: Spring starts with grey weather, after that there's a week or maybe two with far too high temperatures.

    Yesterday night the weather suddenly changed: thunder and lightning and a tremendous amount of rain.

    Even worse weather is expected for tonight. Well, after a day with top temps of 33 degrees.

    Early in the morning I went to the attic to fetch a fan. It was better than trying to sleep in a room that was far too hot. I managed to do some laundry and did even some cutting of a bush at the back of the garden.

    Days like these are a burden to my kidneys and heart. But as I had no appointments it wasn't a real problem.
    All I want to do now is sleep.



    8. Just a saterday

    5/28/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Today should have been the realization of number 8, being on a movie set.
    My son invited me to the set of the new short movie. I was looking forward to it.
    To see him and his friends jumping out of a plane, and all the other things that go on on a set.
    I know quite a lot of people there, so I knew I wouldn't feel awkward.

    But the weather forecast was amazing: 32 degrees celcius,  The place as unwise for a heartpatient as it could be: a large area of just heather and heather, no shade, and nothing else, and relatively far away from here too.

    So I decided not to go.
    With pain in my heart.

    Yesterday evening the car broke down, but my son was able to arrange another one.

    One thing we didn't think about, the most important part of the whole movie operation of today: the jump from the plane.

    At all other occasions I was very aware of the wind and the sun, but today I overslept  and managed to sweep the disappointment out of my head, focus on the laundry and some other chores, keeping myself OK with this silly temperature.

    It was late this afternoon when I checked my mail.
    I'd better get a new mobile, so I can read the family app, but money can be spend just one time.
    So I was the last to hear that the whole parachute scene of them jumping out of the plane was cancelled because of the wind.
    They took some shots from other scenes, but the jump will be recorded at a later time.

    We'll see when....

    So this was just a saterday like many other saterdays. One with a record temperature of 33.4 degrees though.



    12. Brecon Beacons

    5/27/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    When my father and I visited the family my father stayed with during WW2, we had the best time of our lives.
    Ron drove us around England, Wales and Scotland, day after day, to show us the highlights, clean up some wartime memories with dad, and connect me with the beauty of it all. He succeeded.
    Since then I have an intense longing for the places I have been and an inner need....to go home.

    Elsewhere I will express my wish to find a job in Wales, Scotland or England, a small house and a re-connection with the nature that is so majestic.

    It was on a rainy grey day that we entered the Brecon Beacons.
    We'd already spent time climbing in the Lake District so this day Ron offered some 'training for the eyes, mind and your sensory system for natural beauty.'

    When the sky cleared the colours of the environment changed and when the sky opened we reached another stage of Ron's training.
    The beauty in this part of Wales was overwhelming.
    We walked quite a distance and it enabled us to experience the silence and the sounds of it all. Apart from the little animals on the ground we saw wild birds above our heads, maybe deciding if we were ready to land on their supper table. I was happy we didn't encounter sheep, as I was afraid of them at the time (not any more).

    We encountered just one person during our walk. An old man with a dog and a hat that served it's purpose, but maybe also was used to sit on. Ron had taught me to greet in Welsh, so I greeted as good as possible, being a bit shy, feeling clumsy. The guy stopped. Smiled and greeted me back and began a conversation...in welsh. I didn't even think about telling him I couldn't speak Welsh, but could manage English. I just looked in panic to Ron and they all burst out in laughter. Ofcourse the whole language problem was solved within a few minutes. The man pointed out some landmarks, gave us directions to find a waterfall, and invited us to come in for a drink when we passed his house.

    The man was as amazing as the Brecon Beacons itself.
    We didn't climb that day and I still feel a bit sad and homesick, because we never ever went back.

    Ron isn't alive anymore, nor is my dad.
    I'm sure part of Ron's spirit is still roaming the hills,
    and I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back.



    Two flat tires!

    5/27/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    So we went to the grocery-shop, skipping dinner, because we weren't hungry at all. We didn't have much time before closing time. which wasn't a real problem because we didn't have much money to spend.

    As one of my sons needs the car tomorrow, we decided to go straight after shopping towards his home to fetch him to bring us home and take the car to his house.

    On our way to his house I thought the car behaved weird when we made a sharp turn, but I don't have a driver's license so who am I to comment?
    At the house of my son his brother granted him the driver's seat.
    We drove a few meters and the car didn't feel OK. I thought that it might be a flat tire, and so did my sons.

    It was a flat tire!

    We drove to the garage, just a few houses away, and put air in the tire. When he pulled the hose away the tire hissed like a far too big snake.
    So my son took the spare tire, and within a few minutes he exchanged the tires.
    Job done.

    Just a bit of air in the other tire.
    When the pressure was almost right the valve kind of exploded from the tire, hurting the hand of the younger son who was holding the hose.

    As we didn't have another spare tire in the car, we looked at each other, thinking about a solution for the problem.
    The oldest walked back to his house to get a spare he had standing there.
    I didn't expect much, as it was from a different kind if car.
    He walked towards the garage like the tire was a donut. Wow!

    It didn't fit.

    So we decided to call the car-service.
    After 10 minutes waiting we gave up.
    Called a friend, who came with his spare tire. Didn't fit.

    So the three men made the decision that the oldest would drive very slow to his house, so the car could be parked there and then the friend would take us all home and the oldest can use his friend's car tomorrow.

    Now we're without a car, and I intended to fetch medication in Germany next week and a lot more.
    I'd better not think about it....



    11. Sign language

    5/27/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Learning sign language has been on my bucketlist quite long.
    I've been quite fluent with gestures. To be honest signing in English was quite OK, and I was able to communicate rather well, but signing in Dutch was... ahem... not as good. (to be friendly to myself). Ofcourse I was able to use the basic gestures, they're integrated in the spoken language, but I couldn't manage a normal conversation.

    Beside gestures there's also the hand alphabet. The fingers and the position of the hand on the wrist create a letter or word. Signing like this takes more time than gestures, but it's a great help when gestures are lacking.

    For people who can't see another alphabet is developed.
    It's an alphabet that creates letters with fingers and fingertips on the hand or arm of the person who listens.
    I would love to learn that, but I need someone who knows the system well to practice.

    When I was chairman of the parent's board of some schools I tried to make people aware of the need for communication beside verbal communication. Now more people grow very old while loosing their eyesight and people with brainproblems have a better chance for survival, sign language becomes more used. it should be part of the school's curriculum.
    Problem was that many schools were afraid the pupils might sign during exams.

    But a few schools have adopted the idea and started to teach sign language.

    For those who ant to learn the Dutch hand alphabet: click here. .



    5/26/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Not often I visit the national online newsagency.
    But today I had a strange feeling to do so and got a real shock.

    A dangerous prisoner has escaped from a prison at the other side of the border, in Germany.
    We're living not too far from the border, so I couldn't dismiss it as 'nothing to do with us.'

    The article mentioned a second prisoner who tried to escape but he was caught in the act.

    The prison was one with a clinic for people with mental disorders.
    Both prisoners attacked, yesterday evening, 2 members of the medical personnel. One was seriously injured.
    The prisoners managed to get outside and reach the high wall with barbed wire. One prisoner escaped, the other couldn't get over the wall.
    A helicopter search didn't have the desired result.

    A warning was issued for our side of the border too.

    This afternoon the German police gave the information that they didn't expect the guy to be on our side of the border. They thought he's gone to Bonn, where he came from and where he knows people.
    It's assumed he carries a self-made weapon, and people are warned not to talk to him, but call the police, as he's dangerous.
    People are asked to be alert

    Well, after reading the first article I warned some of my kids, those who are in town.
    I thought it to be important they are informed, because one of our acquaintances looks like the guy.
    You'll never know they see him walking and approach him full of enthusiasm, bringing themselves in real danger.



    10. Find my university friend

    5/26/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    At university I studied quite some years with a friend. We used to study in the same way, underlining the same words and sentences. So we started sharing books and thus saving money.
    I have nice memories of making dinners together, shopping at the greengrocers, listening to music, making music and being at parties and sharing friends.
    When the years went by I became more and more aware of how important that friendship had been, how on ease I felt.

    When I was in hospital, facing death, I felt sad I would leave life without being able to tell him how important he'd been.
    Ofcourse I hoped to survive and I told myself that when I would survive I would try and find him.

    It might be quite difficult, as he went to America, moved to Belgium and I didn't know where he was, because the friendshiprequest on Facebook got no answer, and a mail didn't result in a reaction.



    Bye lovely neighbours!

    5/25/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    A young couple they were, 12 years ago, when they entered the house next to us.
    They seemed to be nice.
    Two young people, trying to find their way in the university, the city and in life.

    During the years we've talked quite a lot, not often, but very intense.
    When they were busy pursuing their careers, the mailman brought me their packages and when they were home the girls carried the mail to them and received a sweet.
    It gave me the feeling they took over a bit of what the girls should have had with a grandma.

    Years passed by.
    One baby arrived, and another.
    Wee heard the newborn noises, and the sweet caring guidance in the garden, telling the oldest girl not to make too much noise.
    It was like I had a peek into my own past, when I told my children the same in the same way.

    And then the news came: 'we'll be moving north...a job....'

    Far too quick the day came we had to say our goodbyes.
    So I stood there, between the boxes, watching the playstuff of the children piled in the garden.
    Two hugs and another quick one at the door.

    This morning three cars in the street...

    I didn't look anymore
    The cars are are gone.
    I'm sure by now they have arrived in the north and the little girls are running around in a house full of boxes, or in the garden in the bright shining sun.

    They're gone.



    9. Visit an active vulcano. Etna?

    5/25/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    It's feels like a kind of logic: as a psychologist I ant to see the core of a person, as a human being I want to see the core of the earth.

    I know, I know, that's a bit too much to ask. Too hot too.
    But Mother Earth is eager to give us an insight into her, by moving her core outside through vulcanos.

    Nearby...relatively... is the Etna. It's a well observed, recorded and guarded vulcano, and  as I'm in Europe it feels within geographical reach.

    A few years ago  the news mentioned there was an outburst again and online one of the famous mountaineers told in a facebookpost that he was getting ready to go and he could take a few people with him.
    I had the money, the urge to go, the opportunity. Then within 30 minutes the mailman brought me a letter with the list of required books for the new schoolyear of one of the children. It was such an expensive picture, that it felt like a slap in the face.
    So it was a no-no....cleaned

    For year I've observed Mount St. Helens. Thanks to the webcam and the maintenance team, who tried it to clean it when needed, moved away the spider that made our view his home.
    Ofcourse a visit to the observatory there would be the real number 1 of vulcano-visits.
    But if needed (and possible) I'll settle for the Etna.



    The only one

    5/24/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Last week I met an interesting young man.
    Interesting..., that is...he, himself, considered himself a very interesting person. Even more than a person, a full grown identity.
    He was wearing a suit, which was a bit too tight, made from material that was a bit too thin, looking a bit too cheap.
    His gestures and other movements were plenty and quick, and it all gave the impression of a kind of ghostly marionette. A talking one.

    And he talked a lot.
    After a few minutes I just heard some incidental words, like when reading a book just by catching the last words on each page.
    When I realized a was regressing into being a lazy listener I tried to catch up with what he was telling.
    Turned out he was recognized by two people after being on stage at a public event.
    Immediately his story was followed by loud praise of his accomplishments. I couldn't join him, I'd not been a witness of his outstanding performance.

    So I asked him a very down to earth question: 'and what are you doing in daily life?'
    He was a student, he told me, proud and delighted he could show me his eagerness to learn.
    I wondered if he was showing it only to me, or to the whole wide world.
    Which year? I asked, pretending to be interested.

    He raised his left hand, then his right hand, and with his fingers he formed.... an O.
    I made the noise of a question mark, assuming it was enough conversation to keep him busy.
    He smiled... for the first time a bit inward.
    'I'll be attending next year.'

    'OK', I said, imagining telling him I'd rather have a doctor after his studies than before.
    'It will be interesting to see ho much you are going to change'.

    When he walked away his posture and movements indicated he expected a large audience to follow each step.
    I was the only one watching him,
    not impressed.


    The question and the answer.

    5/24/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Quite some people asked me to start blogging, so they won't have to get to know me just by reading my bucketlist texts.

    I took it into consideration and after some pressure by some good friends I decided, hesitant though, to say 'yes'.

    It's not that I feel the need to show the world who I am, but I think it might show the children an additional insight in who I am.

    And maybe those requested me to write a blog will understand who I am and why I make certain decisions.
    After my gram and father died I was left with questions that will never be answered. Such a pity, because they both were storytellers. But there was not enough time to listen to everything they had to tell.
    Blogging enables me to tell at times others sleep, and they can make their own choice of time and place and even of what they want to read.

    To let's try....



    8. Be at a movie set

    5/22/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Last year my son and his parachutist friends acted in a short movie, which was released to promote a WWII museum.

    The release was a very festive event, because the exhibition it was related to was opened at the same time and lots of important people were present and a member of the Royal Family held a speech and signaled the official start of it all.

    The movie was outstanding, and it was a pity there was no money to make a large movie.
    Especially because the crew is very talented and there is enough story to make a very interesting movie. (Take for example the story of my own family. They were in the resistance, and my dad went to England during the war, because he couldn't stay here anymore, and served in the Royal Air Force.)

    A new short movie is in the making.
    I can't say anything about it, but I would love to be at the set.

    Want to see their first movie?
    My son is the guy in the jeep who gets his head rubbed. (1.20 minute). You can also see him at other moments in the movie.

    It's very short. There is enough material for a long movie...so when you're able to help to get the money together, please help us get the funds so they can use their talents.

    Oh, and the link: click here



    7. Burning man

    5/22/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Before I saw the images, a report on TV, the name, I knew there should be a place where reality and fantasy could merge because people want to express themselves and be an inspiration for others and share the experience.

    I would love to walk into the fantasy of someone else and be a part of it and see others take part in mine. No fantasies of being beautiful, or better, or whatever, no competition, but sharing something creative and spiritual that is living inside every human being, hidden under the layers society wants us to wear.

    So I found out about the Burning Man event.
    And it made me feel happy.
    Knowing it's happening.
    And how much I would love to be part of it, with a friend who is able to have fun and be serious at the same time, ...

    Want to know more? Click here



    6. Watching the aurora

    5/21/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    By Diapicard

    As a little girl I loved to watch the stars and everything else that happened in the sky.
    I asked my father quite a lot about the stars and constellations and when I was able to read I often went to the library in our street and sat in a corner reading about stars, space research and influences on earth from space.

    One winter evening some northern light was in the sky above the skating rink. The skating came to a halt and we stood there gazing in silence.
    From that time I wanted to go north to see the aurora in it's full glory. Maybe even live in Scandinavia.
    Once I was quite near travelling there. I had received a small inheritance. But it was not enough to buy good camera and travel north with Andy Keen.
    It was not even enough to go north and stay in Andy's house.

    But maybe...one day...



    5. Festival Mundial

    5/20/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Festival Mundial is a two day event, featuring world music and other cultural expressions.

    We went there quite often in the past for one day.
    It was nice to meet people from Africa and sing with them, interesting to discuss politics with a youth member of one of the largest political parties of the country and eat food I'd never tasted before.

    When we couldn't afford to go anymore, partly because the train ticket was too expensive, we volunteered.
    This added to the fun. We had to hand out leaflets and walk people to the different stages at the enormous area where the festival was held. It was a great way to get an insight in motivations of the public to attend the festival.
    When we were finished working, we were allowed to keep the t-shirt. A man of a band from Kenia asked me to give him my t-shirt. It was an hour before I had a break. I told him to come back during my break. He never did and I didn't have his address. So I still have the t-shirt.

    This year I wanted to go again. I considered the 30 year anniversary a good occasion.
    But when I saw how much it costs, I decided not to go.

    So that's a number on the bucketlist: skipped in 2017.



    4. Turning pots

    5/19/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Turning pots has been on my list for a long long time.

    As a child I could look at the turning wheel for ages, fascinated not by the wheel, but by the fragility and strength of the clay.
    That it's possible to make a vase that holds water and flowers, or a bowl that can last for a lifetime, and yet when the potter does something wrong the clay will suddenly be fragile and the whole lot will bend like cloth or collapse after the slightest instability.

    I've been looking in town to take pottery classes a couple of years ago, when one of my dear friends was still alive and we planned to go together. She decided for sculpting classes though, and I couldn't afford the fee of a complete course.

    I wonder how I'll feel at the wheel.


    3. Old furniture gone, new arriving

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    For quite some time I've been saving to buy new furniture.

    First I was as lucky as to find the wished for cabinets in the local second hand group. They were almost for free, so I felt very rich.

    After trying a lot of couches in a lot of shops, we decided to pay a visit to the Swedish modern furniture shop to buy a couch and two chairs.

    The weird looking rocking chair was out of stock.
    So it's still on the wishlist.

    Instead of replacing the furniture in one day it took a lot more.

    The person who offered to help got stuck in traffic and was not able to call. So I first waited a while and then started to take the orange couch in pieces myself. It was quite a job for one person, but I managed to do it with a little help from one of my daughters.

    I thought the leather couch would take quite a lot more effort and I was right.
    It was very clever not to start it that evening, but wait for the next day.
    It took 3 hours to get one arm piece removed, but by then we had some insight in the materials. That was old-fashioned good stuff, meant for eternal use.
    Ofcourse I couldn't demolish that couch alone. One of my sons had to be called, and he did a good job of putting the couch outside...in pieces we could hardly carry.

    After cleaning the room, one of my daughters and I put the new couch together. Ofcourse with problems with the last screw. LOL!
    We were so tired we managed to unpack just one chair.
    The next one was done the next day.

    Now we're almost ready to replace the old living room table with two little ones.
    We've already bought them a long time ago.

    Today I worked on the flooring, with parts I still had.

    So each day something is done to make the room a better place to be.

    I'm very grateful for a couch that doesn't cause lots of pain. It's a short couch, but last week I slept a few nights on it, to escape from the noise of the neighbours and from the high temperature during one night. For the first time in ages I felt refreshed after sleeping in my own home. So maybe a new mattress on the bed isn't a bad idea. Well, we'll see.


    3. Getting rid of the old furniture, and get new furniture

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    Living with someone who doesn't want change also means using far too old furniture.

    The leather couch was not a place to sit anymore, but a place not to have to stay too long. It's age meant that comfort was buried in the past.

    From my place, on a cushion not to have a steel part making a hole in my trousers, I was looking at an orange couch, which provided still some convenience to the kids. But cleaning it regularly also made me aware of the problems it soon would show at the expense of at least one of them, landing on the floor by surprise.

    So getting a new couch instead of the leather one,  and putting two comfortable chairs at the place of the orange couch was  a wish I couldn't resist.

    My eyes also fell on the new rocking chair of the Ikea. It was fun and a good place for me to spend lonely evenings.

    As I have quite some hobby materials I wanted to have some cabinets with drawers, to sort the items and hide them.

    I also want another diner set, but the one I want has disappeared from the market.

    Added to it all a new floor, but as I want to move to another house, it's not really needed.



    Looking for the right template

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments


    I'm messing around with the layout and look the next days.
    I know what I want. This one comes close, but the way it deals with the photos is not OK.
    Suggestions are welcome. :)


    2. Parajump

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    For years I thought that I'd become too old, but I now know better. Last week a 100 year old did a tandem jump, so there's hope I'll jump out of a plane...(or I'm pushed out of it...LOL!) at least once.in my life.

    My father served in the RAF and I remember asking him how he liked parajumping. 'Never ever again!' he replied.
    It's a pity he hasn't witnessed one of his grandsons becoming one of the best parajumpers of the country.
    He's no paraglider, but he jumps with the parachutes used in WW2. Quite an expensive hobby and a difficult too, as the materials aren't made anymore. He's searching for a reserve chute with the pull mechanisms in the front. But chances are he's used the last one.

    All I did to encourage my son to take up this special hobby is telling him that to realize his dream he has to work for it.

    Maybe it's in the genes. I've wanted to jump from the age of 4, when I learned that our freedom and peace are the result of the courage of young men, wanting to end the war.
    My secret wish is to jump above the fields of Groesbeek. Shhtt...don't tell anyone. I think that will never happen, as jumping there means one needs to be well trained.
    But hej... one needs to dream... and have wishes.... :)



    1. A Beagle

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    I would love to spend my time with a beagle.
    It's not only the best excuse and a bit of pressure to go to walk a few times a day, it's also a lot of fun to have a companion and a friend, to teach things and to rest together.

    A few years ago I had a very interesting experience.
    We were driving on the road to Germany, which leads through hills and woods and saw a few people on horses carefully descending the very uneven slope of a bushy hill.
    It was such a beautiful sight that we parked the car and I took my camera and walked around a bit.
    Suddenly about 50 to 60 beagles appeared from the bushes and ran towards me.
    I'm still amazed I wasn't afraid at all, but just enjoyed the enthusiasm of the dogs, their moving ears, and the buzz in the air.
    More horses came from the hill and followed the dogs.

    Some sniffed at my feet, some looked at me for a moment, but soon the followed their noses and disappeared.

    Before this beautiful moment.I knew I wanted a beagle, but after that I was a 100% sure.

    In the north of the country a foundation hosts beagles that were meant to be used for research. Right now quite some beagles are tested if they are able to detect certain smells, like those of certain diseases. Those who can't be used for training are put up for adoption.
    The foundation requires future bosses to attend a meeting. The meeting is too far away.
    I'm also not completely sure I can afford everything a dog needs.

    But at the very moment I know I can, a beagle will become my friend.



    About my bucketlist

    5/18/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    My dreams, wishes and plans will be numbered in no particular order. And they will be tagged in such a way that a distinction can be found between wishes which are easy to fulfill and dreams which will always be dreams. I know some people say that it's not done to place those dreams on the list, but I'll do it anyway. Some things have happened in my life I never expected to happen. Those events seemed to be impossible to happen, but they did. Other items are just small wishes and easily attainable in the eyes of others, but they'll never will be part of my life. The numbers will also be used when the items are finished. My bucketlist is not my life's plan, not an agenda. Life itself takes it's course and it has often been different from what I expected. Sometimes life was a surprise, but most of the times it was adjusting to the needs of others, which is the fate of mothers of children with special needs. I have been the caretaker of my grandmother for over 20 years, of my 4 children with special needs during 30 years, and of my husband and one of my daughters the past years. No wonder my heart couldn't cope with it anymore. It's time to live life before it ends, to live it in my way. I'm sorting things in my house, tidying the attic after 35 years of lack of time and energy to do so. Don't think it was just a matter of throwing things away and doing it in a few days. It was like I was glued to the floor. Now I know why... a clean house was a symbol for being ready to die. With my bucketlist I won't have time to die. :) :) :)


    About me and this blog

    5/17/2017 Syl 0 Comments

    A few years ago my health was deteriorating as fast as skiing down a mountain.
    I touched earth when the cardiologist told me I might not live until the next day.
    But like the speed and movement of skiing take over the active involvement of the skier, live took over what happened to me, and I recovered a bit, and even though I didn't reach the top of the mountain anymore, I was able to walk from the scene head up high.

    I needed to keep my head up high, not to trip into the pitfall of depression, self-pity and indulging in the care of others.
    It was quite a journey and it still is.

    Medication keeps me alive, and destroys my kidneys at the same time.
    But I won't bother you with all the rest of the details of chronic disease, except for telling you that I still feel the intense movement of life, while the speed is gradually influencing me far less than it did.

    The standstill of living the rest of my life on the couch is one of my largest fears.
    So I started to think about what I really wanted out of life. Well, that's a lot.
    And I started to think about who were important in my life, who disappeared through time and left an emptiness that made me feel more emotional than I wanted to admit.

    So I decided to find them and talk to them.

    It worked out in an unexpected way.
    Life prepared the right moment in our lives and I'm very happy to say that my life is a lot richer.

    A few days ago one of my friends asked me about my bucketlist.
    Already I had a list in my mind, but as I don't have enough money to realize even the simplest money-requiring wishes I'd kept the list in my mind, and only tried to realize the ones that needed no money or which needed only moderate travelcosts.
    Having my dear friends in my life was already a huge experience and it made me very grateful.

    After being 35 years in a relationship which was one sided, lonely, but also a struggle to realize my dream of being a mom of a large family, I'm ready for the world.
    Each stage of my life I've taken the challenges with an eagerness that made other people look amazed and sometimes feel inspired.

    So why not only give the care as I always had to give care to my kids with special needs and those without special needs, and open the door and see what happens?

    That bucketlist needs some active involvement. From me, and maybe even from you.

    So I've opened this blog, so there's a place my bucketlist will be written down, will be kept alive, and will be worked on. In english, so all my friends can understand what's going on.

    And I'll start with my first wish, which has already been tackled and has come true.



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