What to do with birthdays?

6/30/2017 Syl 0 Comments

It was so easy when the children were small. I just planned a birthday, with a cake, visitors, decorations and the whole lot, and whatever happened that day, the child was happy.

When they were a bit older, they had wishes, ideas and dreams. A princes's birthday, no visitors, but cake at a railwaystation, a day in the swimmingpool with icecream, and fries at the skatinghall.
We've went through it all. The privilege of a large family.

In puberty some of them disappeared. Wanted to go to the movies with their friends, wanted to go shopping, and some of them enjoyed a day at the beach, with me, and I felt grateful to be included in their special day.

Gradually friend's birthdays with visitors, sitting together on the couch, singing with cake and candles, and talking with the family changed. They dreaded their thirtieth birthday, tried to ignore the fortieth, and despaired at the fiftieth.
In a way sometimes it was a relief, depending on the social behaviour of their friends and family and on their wishes for presents. My creativity to find the right birthday present disappeared with age (and lack of money), and I refused to give bottles, candles or giftcards.

I decided I would go with the flow.
So I developed the strategy to sneak in a question about the upcoming birthday somewhere in the conversation or in a mail, offering the opportunity to ignore the question or jump on it and invite me for whatever might happen. I want to honor the wishes of the person in question, whether he or she might feel old, doesn't want to be remembered another year has gone by, or wants to celebrate life with all who want to be involved.

The result is that I often feel lost at birthdays.

I know what I want myself: a surprise party at a restaurant near a lake or the sea, with lots of old and new friends, my first cardiologist, piles of small presents, candles and cake I'm allowed to eat. I don't mind if it's on my real birthday, or on the day my life could have ended, but went on: june 4th.
I've always wanted a surprise party, but it never happened.

But the birthday of friends?
It's about how they feel, and not about my need to congratulate them.
But on the other side:.....

.......Happy birthday, Hans!


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