The past weeks we've had beautiful hot weather, like high summer.
Strange things happened in the garden.
The lettuce was rained away... just crushed under the hard fast large drops.
The red berries seemed to benefit tremendously from the enormous amounts of water and the long sunny days. And perhaps from the pruning of last year....
They'd grown high up the rose section, twisting between the branches of the two kind of plants, reaching high up towards the apple tree.
It looked like just another year of growth would make my whole garden one complete berry bush.
A few day ago I tasted a few berries and had the sour taste crawl through my mouth behind my ears. Not my way of enjoying the richness of nature. I'm not a sour-lover. No lemons for me, unless I can get them straight from the tree in Limone Italy during a wonderful summer, like we enjoyed so many years ago. The farmer took joy to invite me in his fruitgarden and taste the fruit the lovely little village was named after.
I was 15. Managed to understand the language and was shy, but determined to learn to speak it too.
The lemons were the sweetest I've ever tasted.
They were devine.
So a few days ago these berries were sour, but when I tasted them today they were not sour, but tasted like red berries should taste... for me.
I got a box and started taking them off the bushes.
Each time when a branch was empty, pruning it immediately.
Soon I had to fetch a large bowl, because there seemed to be berries under each leaf.
It was amazing!!
As always I threw some ripe berries in other parts of the garden.
Did so last year and it resulted in a bush at the other side of the gardenpath.
It took me over an hour to get all the ripe berries in the bowl, and still there is a lot on there that need to grow and ripen.
Weighing the harvest: 1,5 kilo!!!!
Never had so many berries.
It took me another hour to get them from the twigs and ready for consumption.
Some berries are used fresh in yoghurt, some have been put in the freezer, so the kids can take a box when they want.
And they all want their share. LOL!
Never had so many berries. But also never had berries so early in the season.
.Click the photos to enlarge them.
Had to start working again.
It's all for the good of others, volunteer work.
Sometimes it puts people together on jobs they shouldn't be.
We have one person working on the magazine who craves for the honor, to see his name, and boast it's his paper, while others do all the work, and I am one of them.
We, two people, work our butts off, and the guy doesn't do anything but trying to force us into bad written texts that are of no use.
Last edition none of his stuff was published, simply it didn't fit in the special subject, and he was so mad that he wrote a horrible email that set me off to write a mail too, stating I didn't want to work with such a person in this way.
Before I walked away during an editorial board session after I guided the paper through a time of bad weather as the head editor and was confronted with bullying by the person I steppe in for.
Just closed my notes, took my stuff and walked off after a very nice speech, stating I would never ever deal with bullying, not of me, not of others.
And with this guy I had the same.
When I work my butt off, don't tell me afterwards you don't agree with the subject when you had all the time and opportunity to state your case. And certainly don't use words that make me into a person I am not.
Today we had a meeting to solve the issue, as the show must go on.
All I could do was settle for explaining our work, who makes the decisions and why I cancelled one of his stolen texts.
And this in the presence of the regional chairman. I'd asked him to be present.
Well, I don't think much is changed, but I can't leave my other colleague alone. During the meeting she nearly bit his head off, but I understand, she works longer with him than I do.
Well, we'll see.
When I came home a letter was waiting. Ordering to cut the large tree in the garden. (Otherwise they'll throw us out).
We have three trees.
Two can be cut by the boys, no problem.
The other needs a professional attack, costing at least 800 euro, maybe even a 1000.
It's like I expected this to come.
We lived the past year as poor people, eating rather minimal. Not buying anything luxurious.
My daughter often eats at the job, so she doesn't lack anything. In that case I skip dinner.
I know it's not wise, but there is none who cares.
Tomorrow I'll have to see if I have enough money to get that tree down.
So there goes what I've saved to give my children so they can have a proper holiday.
It's just before my birthday. I wanted to go away for the day, give myself a day off from all the stress here. Can't anymore.
It feels like bit by bit all what made this house my home is taken.
The old willow tree, gone.
The nice neighbours, on both sides gone,
Privacy, gone.
I feel lonely here, not at ease anymore.
I miss the link with nature.
It's never silent anymore. When it's a nice day airplaines practie in the sky, when it' a summer day people yell in the gardens and don't care how others feel.
I want to leave here.
So I tried to save some money to do so.
And I can put it in felling a tree.
And be poor again.
It's like I deserve no normal live....
.
So that was 2017.
Pfff, what a year it was!
The year without a husband in the house after 36 years of marriage, including 20 years of being the hotelkeeper, if you understand what I mean.
The year sharing a very tiny pension with 4 people.
I got in contact with my university friend again, and we won't loose contact ever again. Got in contact with another one and didn't even hear a thank you after sending a photo of two middle aged men enjoying a beer. Well, we had a nice day visiting. Some nice memories, and the impression that some people never change.
Offline and online some friendships developed into great caring relationships, which prevented evenings of loneliness and enriched my life. The feeling of gratitude for being surrounded by such lovely people is very intense.
I survived another calendar year.
Left the second cardiologist, not knowing how my heart was doing. Asked for the new one, but didn't get a reply in three weeks, so that's one more issue to deal with in the new year.
But I've met my new cardiologist of the other hospital, so in due time I'll go to him.
Also went to nephrology when my kidneyfunction dipped to just above dialysis level and doctors were panicking. Saw two nice assistants which were socially very capable, but still have to learn that a risk factor isn't a cause without any evidence. So next year I'll see the nephrologist herself and we'll be talking about this.
I think tht my heartfailure undermined my kidneys, as the 1st cardiologist told me might happen, and the heartmedication ruined any chance of improvement and ignorance by the 2nd cardiologist lead to deterioration. He even withheld my kidney diagnosis. I was also told the dip was caused by inflammation. Well, at the time I had a kidney echo and it showed no inflammation. Nor did the bloodwork or anything else.
We had double time making the echo, it was a teaching session, so if there had been inflammation we would have seen it.
Often I like my medical background, but sometimes it's a curse. We'll see what the nephrologist says to me. I can always go to the other hospital.
Anyway, my kidneyfunction is deteriorating in a straight line down with dips.
I've decided not to want a life kidney donor, too much of a risk for the donor.
Found no paid job this year, but did a lot of work for the heart organisation.
- Giving information and talks in hospital
- Public speaking about the female heart, including TV interview
- Organising events
- Telephone service, which was a problem as I don't have the money to pay for a proper app-phone and -service.
- Representing the heart organisation and the university hospital
- Representing patients and watching of and advising in care-decisions at university and regional boards
- Working for the regional magazine
- Teaching at university
- Giving workshops to last chance students, which touched my heart and made me feel so at home that I immediately made a job application. Alas, they're dealing with cutbacks and maybe even closure.
It was such a lot of work, that some weeks I felt like being in a fulltime job. But I also was able to see what I like and where my talents can lead me. Using what I've learned during life was a pleasure too.
Wouldn't it be great to use it for a paid job?
I've also faced quite some decisions.
The main one is that I don't want my husband to come home again.
I don't have a choice however. As long as I don't have a job, I have no money, and I can't move out.
With 2 kids who need financial assistance there is no choice.
Halfway this year he'll be here again. I even have to buy a new place for him to sit, as I changed the old large couch into a nice ikea thingy that is OK for us, but not for his weight.
I don't want someone here anymore who just uses my work and attention, and has nothing nice or fun or kind to deliver. Just irritation and stress.
So I'm waiting for the prince on the white horse to lift me out of my simple house and carry me to his castle as his queen (not as his housekeeper, that's another fairytale), compensating for the fact that I never ever sat on a horse. (Yes, there's a silver lining in everything.)
So any scotsman is welcome to beg for my hand. I play the bagpipes. A welshman is OK too, as I love the glowing hills and the accent, but I fear I've forgotten the few lines of Welsh which were taught to me in the past.
Yes, I belong more in an english speaking country. It's the language of my thoughts and the yearning that my visits to his WW2 family and friends brought me. I don't belong here.
I belong to the hills and the coast. The Outer Hebrides will be perfect.
But maybe I'll end up with a friend in Norway, embroidering a national costume for myself, walking the dog through the snowy woods, sheltered in a warm coat, with a sniffing red nose.
Oh I know, it's not about the place where you live, but how you live in yourself.
But when my kind neighbours moved the sounds of the others became worse, the neighbourhood is not as good anymore, the trees in the garden are outgrowing me and I can't afford to have them cut and removed, and I need, yes, need to be in nature.
I've done my bit in life, in the lives of others and although I intent to go on to be an inspiration for others, I also want to be a lot more 'me'.
I often remember how I felt when standing beside the Welsh castle in the grass, high above the ocean on the rocks. The wind blowing through my hair, and yet I had the feeling I was wearing a wide cape with a huge hood. My dad and his RAF friend later told me they had the same feeling, like they went back in time and saw me in a different light.
Well, sliding into 2018 has nothing to do with time travel.
It just happens and we can't resist it.
All I know is that it doesn't help to worry. But I do, money, job, leading my own life.
And I know that my health will go on deteriorating, an I will fight it. But I'm not afraid of dying anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not planning it yet. I want to realise a few dreams, even the impossible dreams.
I still have the feeling something brilliant is waiting for me, so I keep looking for opportunities, doors and a better life.
So all I want from 2018 is a job, preferably in the UK, and I don't mind if I'll be a reporter, journalist, psychologist or university lecturer, or maybe someone behind the counter of a small shop in a small community of island people.
It's that small white house with that loyal dog which keeps in my mind. The walks on the beach with the everlasting sounds.
May 2018 hold a symbol of wellbeing for you too.
Happy New Year!!!!
.
I'm very impressed by the BBC series: Great Rift: Africa's Wild Heart
I love every moment of it.
The way nature is filmed is amazing. The effort the crew took to give us an insight in animal behaviour was huge. But it certainly paid off.
It's one of the few series that keeps me focused from the first second to the last. And makes me dream long after the episodes have finished.
The series is narrated by Hugh Quarshie, one of my favorite players of Holby City.
His voice calms me, and draws me in the film even more.
I think I can see this series over and over again, seeing each time new things, and never ever be bored.
So I think it's wise to have a DVD, so I can watch it when I'm in the hospital or very ill at home.
.
Spotting seals on or near Texel can be as easy as you wish.
On Texel they care for seals in a seal hospital.
For children it's a very interesting place, as they can see how the seals are cared for, and they can even watch feeding them.
And when you're lucky you'll see them when you're on the ferry to Texel. I haven't been that lucky.
You can also go to those beaches where they visit regularly or from where you can see them on a sandbank with your binoculars. Mind the time: two hours before low tide until an hour after.
But I want to go on a special seal boat trip.
The captain knows what he does, and certainly won't come too near mothers with their young.
When a boat comes too close the mother will get afraid and will save herself. She won't care for her young and when it isn't able to follow here she won't go back. The baby will be lost without her, and will die when none of the seal hospital finds it.
There are lots of seals around Texel and Terschelling. There's lots of food, and the tide frees the sandbanks, offering them large areas for sunbathing.
Two kinds can be seen. The regular one, which is the smallest. Mature men can be up to two meters long. They can be distinguished from the other ones by their V-shaped nostrils.
The other kind is the grey seal. They have straight noses with separated nostrils. The mature men can grow up to three meters long.
Texel is a wonderful island to stay a while. During the summer all is done to give the tourists a wonderful stay.
I don't mind whenever we go there. I don't care for sunbathing, I want to walk on the beach and have a good time. Even when a storm is raging I feel fine.
So......
In the past I didn't like sheep. I considered them to be a stinking lot, but the little ones were cute.
Gradually my opinion changed, and I started to get interested in what's needed to farm them.
I don't expect to be able to keep sheep unless I can realize my dream to live somewhere in the UK and some money shower hits me.
But as life never stops to suprise me, I decided to put this on my bucketlist too.
I have far too many items on it I'll never able to afford anyway.
So let's value the dream, and enjoy dreaming!
I would love to go crofting and keep some sheep.
I know there's a lot to learn, as keeping sheep is not only taking the wool and selling it. It's keeping them healthy, help them lamb, protect them, and a lot, lot more.
I've seen a farm with sheep along the road to Germany.
We went there when they offered the public a peek at their farm, but I didn't get the opportunity to talk with the farmer.
I feel a bit shy going there and asking to learn there without being able to offer them money or something else. I think that students from the agricultural school should be first to get a place there.
And I wonder if I'm able to go there, as there are no bus stops in the area.
So I've got excuses enough at the moment, but, knowing myself, they'll disappear as soon as an opportunity of a small farm lingers nearer at the horizon.
.
We're dealing with a heatwave.
And 'we' in a broad sense. Even in England the temperatures are at a high that is seldom seen.
I believe London has its warmest day in 20 years.
Here temps are above 30 degrees Celsius.
I opened the door and it was like pushing against a wall and then someone pushing a pillow in my face.
Laundry doesn't dry in the wind, it's steamed dry.
The brambles dry before they become fruit, the red berries are already dark red and juicy and the clay is drying out and killing all new life in the ground.
The past week I've dealt with a nasty cold and it feels ridiculous to have a old with this weather.
Some people feel they need to explain to me that it's hay fever. Yea... right.
I know the difference. I'm always sniffing and using hankies, this is far worse.
Well, it'll soon be over, before the warmth has left the house.
My daughters school has made another mistake.
Advising her to take an exam, even though she was on her way to cancel it.
And now they say she can't take the exam anymore, because she took it.
Why give wrong advice?
They gave her an extension of 6 months and the only requirement was that she had to hand in a paper before January. Why give an extension when you create rules after giving it?
This school makes me feel sick.
It has been a constant battle, first for one of the boys and now for her.
.
Working with a sheepdog seems to be such a privilege.
Even being present at a contest in the UK would make me feel very delighted.
Dog and shepherd are such a close team. It's fascinating to see the dog react to each and every whistle and thus bringing the sheep where the shepherd wants them to be.
To be a good team, it's best when one teaches the dog from the moment he's born, preferably with a well trained older dog.
I don't think I'll have enough time and money to do so.
But I've learned in life never to say never.
And even when it never happens, I've enjoyed what Country File showed.
.
That so many bee populations have died worries me.
I love remembering the fields of grass or grain, with lots of flowers at the borders, covering the sides of the country roads.
Summer was not as much the sun; the symbol for me were the flowers.
And to keep them we need bees.
In the city where I live the council first wanted to have bees at the top of the council house. A kind of ridiculous plan, as the bees would live far away from flowers and have more dirty air than fresh air.
Luckily we have a very active organisation of beekeepers and the result of protests was that a new bee home was opened in the largest park of the city, on march the 27th, 2015. 150.000 bees are kept since then at the place where beekeepers worked for a 100 years.
Of course the plan to have a population at the roof of the council house was realized too.
In april this year some nuts destroyed the beehouse in the park, so the population were moved elsewhere.
I don't understand why people do this.
Socalled 'primitive' people take good care of their bees. They know exactly when they can take the honey, and they try not to disturb the bees, so they have not only honey the next year, but also a good fertilization processes of their plants and flowers.
The effort they take, can't be compared with the way the beekeepers here work.
I want to be a beekeeper for a day.
I think I'll be a bit afraid some of those animals might find their way to my skin. It's possible I might get an allergic reaction. I had one in the past. But being so close to this interesting part of nature... These little creature make honey! Wow!!
..
.
When I was 4, I saw a wild bird of prey in the woods. It was a large buzzard. Probably very hungry, because he didn't pay any attention to my father and me.
The intensity of the moment was so strong, that the memory lasted all those years.
When I was a bit older we went to a falconer's place. He had many birds. The people who accompanied me were afraid of the birds, and stayed far away. I was so fascinated by the birds' curiosity that the falconer had to warn me to keep a safe distance.
He didn't give a show, because there were too many people that afternoon.
And the next opportunity to see a show we missed it, because of the traffic.
Maybe I won't like a bird of prey as close anymore. I don't know.
Maybe it's too heavy on my hand.
But right now I think I would love the experience of becoming a falconer.
.
